I want to say at the outset that I'm not one of those skeptics who don't believe in global warming. I believe it's happening and it's scary. I'm proposing two solutions based on chemistry and mathematics.
Solution I. The buildup of carbon dioxide in the atmosphere has been linked to global warming. This has led to attempts to regulate carbon output. But carbon is not the biggest part of carbon dioxide-oxygen is. Carbon dioxide is made up of one atom of carbon and two atoms of oxygen. Therefore, oxygen is twice as big a problem as carbon. If we for the moment use the periodic table of elements (even though it's just a theory), we see that the atomic weight of carbon is only 12, compared to a whopping 16 for oxygen. Using these data in sophisticated mathematical models shows that carbon makes up 38% by weight of the carbon dioxide molecule. Therefore, oxygen accounts for 100% - 38% = 62% of the global warming problem. (I apologize for throwing all this complicated chemistry and math at you, but it's the only way to make my argument.)
So let's stop trying to fix the wrong problem. We need to focus our attention on reducing atmospheric oxygen. There are a couple ways to do this. One is to produce more humans, who will breathe in more oxygen. Another way is to cut down on the number of plants in the world, which are putting oxygen into the atmosphere. We're already doing a pretty good job at these two things, but more effort is needed. I'm optimistic we can do it. I'm not one of these the-world-is-coming-to-an-end kinds of people.
Being open-minded to both sides of the argument, I'd now like to respond to a naysayer who listens to my solution and says nay. He says humans are already sucking up too much oxygen from the atmosphere. He suggests I write to my Congressperson to pass a law that all humans born in even years can breathe only on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays. All humans born in odd years can breathe on Tuesdays, Thursdays, and Saturdays. Save Sundays for animals to breathe. He claims this is 100% guaranteed to solve the global warming problem. All I can say to him is, stop basing your arguments on emotion just because animals are cute and have big doe eyes. Use science.
Solution II. The second way to solve the global warming problem has to do with anoxic areas of estuaries and oceans. Anoxic means water that is devoid of oxygen. Only anaerobic bacteria can live in these waters-all the fish go belly-up. Extensive anoxic areas exist in places like the bottom of Chesapeake Bay and the dead zone in the Gulf of Mexico. Water is H2O, so anoxic water is simply H2O - O = H2, which is chemical shorthand for hydrogen, a very clean fuel. I propose we pump all this anoxic water (hydrogen) out of the oceans and use it as clean fuel in our cars and power plants. The more anoxic water we burn, the healthier our oceans, so we might consider making cars and trucks that get even fewer miles per gallon of fuel than they do now. An important side benefit is that sucking all that water out of the oceans would solve the problem of a rising sea level. Also, a lower sea level would give us new areas to pack in more beach-front properties.
In closing, I've shown two ways how science and technology can solve the global warming problem, one of the major crises of the day. My ideas are so obvious I'm surprised no one has proposed them before. Now I expect I'll hear from the skeptics.
Disclaimer: My research has not been funded by any oil companies but I wouldn't mind if they did.
